just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
