I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
