I think I won the penis lottery.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
