Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
