I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
