Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
