Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
