Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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