Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
