We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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