What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
