Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
