allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
