i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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