Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
