I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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