my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
