Your dad touched me again.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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