Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
