Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
