im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
