So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
