Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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