I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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