I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sponge bath it is.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
