he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
