Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
