well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
