What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
