my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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