Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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