He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
