I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
