I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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