Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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