Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
