Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
