it's not cheating when I paid for it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
