oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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