Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
