My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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