I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
