I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
