They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
