i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
