Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
