Her vagina should come with caution tape.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
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