Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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