my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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