Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
